How a Grief Support Helpline Can Make a World of Difference

The journey of processing grief is different for everyone. Finding the right support when you need it is key to managing grief in a healthy way.

Losing a loved one is among the most difficult of human experiences. Regardless of whether a loved one passes suddenly or after a long illness, those left behind can feel both mental and physical pain.

How a person processes grief is as unique as that person’s fingerprints. There is no “right” way to grieve. Some people grieve for a few weeks; others grieve for months or years. The stages of grief are not linear; there is no timeline to follow. It’s common to cycle through anger, acceptance, and depression again and again. And it’s important to talk to someone about your feelings.

“In this culture, we don’t like to express our emotions. We don’t spend time really discussing our deep feelings,” says Charles Nechtem, whose company, Charles Nechtem Associates, provides counseling services to people who have lost loved ones through the Dignity Memorial Compassion Helpline. “We feel like we don’t want to burden our friends and family. We might mention our pain in passing and then move on.”

The problem with that, Nechtem says, is that heavy grief will eventually wear you down, leading to physical and mental health problems. “You can’t press the delete key and restart yourself,” he says. “And you can’t ignore your feelings without consequences. You have to find positive ways to cope.”

Caregivers are especially at risk of becoming overwhelmed.

A Montreal woman named Anne Richie* knows that firsthand. She was very close to her elderly mother when her mother passed away a couple of years ago. “I thought I’d be fine,” Richie says. “But as time went by, I got more and more depressed. My mother was my best friend, and I didn’t want to do things with other people.”

Richie says she was consumed not only by sadness but also anger. Then she remembered a card given to her by the Dignity Memorial funeral director who performed her mother’s service. Richie called the Compassion Helpline for the first time at 3 a.m. — and then seven more times in the weeks ahead.

“It was a godsend,” Richie says. “I didn’t have anywhere else to turn. My counselor, Liz, helped me understand my grief and know that I wasn’t alone. She slowly helped me look at things differently, and I was able to shift my point of view from angry to grateful.”

Every call to the Compassion Helpline — no matter the day of the week or the time of day — is answered within three rings by a clinician with a master’s degree or Ph.D. and at least five years of counseling experience. Nechtem often answers the phone himself and remembers a recent caller who was caregiver to a grandparent who had just died at 103. She was experiencing a great loss while also continuing to care for her octogenarian parents.

“She was exhausted,” Nechtem recalls. She needed a break but was afraid to leave her parents alone for even a weekend. She had it in her head that she had to be there with them all the time to ensure that they would be OK. We feel like we have control over things, but the reality is that we don’t.” But a strong support network can help provide relief.

As the largest provider of funerals, cremations, and cemetery services in North America, the Dignity Memorial network has helped hundreds of thousands of families honor and celebrate their loved ones’ passings. So it stands to reason that the professionals at the Texas-based company would be experts in helping people navigate their grief.

“Mental health services can be difficult for some people to access,” Nechtem says. “But the Compassion Helpline is staffed 24/7 with licensed psychologists and therapists who are ready to assess a situation and assist right away.”

The helpline is free for all families who choose a Dignity Memorial funeral home, crematory, or cemetery — as well as to all guests who attend a service. Immediate family members (spouses, significant others, parents, siblings, and children) may call as often as they find helpful for up to 13 months after the loss of their loved ones; guests may call for up to three months. If someone needs a greater level of care, a helpline therapist can refer that person to a local provider for face-to-face counseling or a support group in his or her area.

When someone you love dies, confusion, shock, and disbelief are normal, but unexpressed grief can lead to extreme fatigue, crying fits, nightmares, anxiety, and depression. On the day of a funeral or memorial service, you will likely find yourself surrounded by friends, family, clergy, and others who provide comfort and support, but as time passes you may feel like no one understands what you’re going through or like you’re burdening your support system.

If that happens, if weeks or months after your loss you start to feel adrift and alone after the loss of a lifelong partner, need advice as the parent of a child who is struggling with the loss of a grandparent, or are suffering the unimaginable pain of losing a child, a service like the Dignity Memorial Compassion Helpline can be crucial.

“Having someone to talk to can make all the difference,” Nechtum says. “You are not alone.”

Whether you are a professional caregiver or a close friend or family member who has experienced the loss of loved one, Dignity Memorial providers recognize the important role of caregivers and provide a multitude of resources to ensure your success in this vital role. To learn more about the Dignity Memorial network and download your free Insiders Guide, go to http://dignityhca.ca/.

This article was written by Home Care Assistance in conjunction with Dignity Memorial, Canada’s largest network of funeral, cremation and cemetery services. Dignity Memorial funeral counselors are trained professionals who can be a vital and supportive resource for you and your family. With years of experience, they can explain all the options available and help you make informed decisions. They can also guide you step-by-step through the process of prearranging your funeral or cremation service. To learn more about the topics discussed in this article or to find a Dignity Memorial provider, call 800-34-DIGNITY.